Elyse creates Twiggy Tumblr

Real conversation on Facebook:

Friend from college: Hey, how are you? 

Me: Good. Just hanging out with friends, working, writing, nothing too momentous to note, but I'm happy 
FFC: I was just curious. You post a lot of dog pics, but I never see much more of you on my news feed. 
Me: Yeah, I need to stop with the dog postings. Makes me feel like a spinster. 
FFC: Nothing wrong with the dog postings other than the fact you have a weird looking dog 
Me: Haha, it's technically not even mine it's my roommate’s 
FFC: lol, that's even worse. 

It’s true, I do post a lot of pictures of my roommate’s dog — a strange, tiny, Italian greyhound named Twiggy who lives to eat chicken and sniff dirty panties. It’s because I created a Tumblr page for her and annoying the 300 (I’m so lying, it’s more like 10) friends I have on Facebook is my best marketing strategy because I really hate promoting myself. It makes me feel dirty and cheap and I only like to feel that way when I’m grilling and eating American cheese off of a skillet at 4 am after a one-night stand in Bushwick.

 Anyway, enough about me, check out Twiggy’s Tumblr “Chicken & Panties!” Here’s a little taste of what you can see on a weekly basis:

Hello, world. My name is Twiggy. I’m a 7-lb. Italian greyhound who lives in Brooklyn, New York with my very tall, human mother. I enjoy all things chicken, panties, pink, and smelly. I also love riding the subway to my big job in fashion! Licking myself is quite a delight as is sitting on laps. I hate the wind, because a big gust could easily blow me away. My farts smell awful.

Hi, I poop in a box.

Twiggy in the City: Will she ever find love? Probably not. Because she’s a total Samantha.

The cutest butthole you’ll ever see

I will eat your soul.

Does this Snuggie make me look fat?

Princess Twiggy

So, you’re a Libra and a vegetarian? You learn so much from sniffing butt.

Solemnly preparing for Shabbat tomorrow. Oy vey, I love being a Jew.

The species, “the Twiggy,” bares a coat that allows it to blend into its natural habitat, the couch.