Elyse writes an unfocused blog post

So I haven’t blogged anything in a while and I’m going to blame it on the holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, the ten or so days after New Years — this span of time has been one big blur of food, airports, booze, cold, and a plummeting checking account. I also spent a lot of my free time writing a short story about an eel and a ferret who live in a hole full of scissor pillows BUT that’s all I’m going to tell you about that because you’re just going to have to read the rest of the story in The New Yorker when it’s published there in 15 years.

Anyway, like most I have a New Years resolution, or several. The usual suspects include losing enough weight that I don’t rub crotch holes into the thighs of my jeans every few months, getting out of debt, and getting published in publications that people actually read. But I think a fun one to do with this blog, so I always have something new and sparkly to write about, is trying something new every week. And this can vary. From learning how to make cocktails to doing my own laundry, from looking each person I pass on the street dead in the eye for a day, to learning how to throw knives. From drinking milk for the first time in 29 years (seriously, I have an issue) to going to a show alone. Basically I’m bored and I can die tomorrow without ever knowing what it’s like to climb Machu Pichu, eat foie gras, walk on stilts, watch the Godfather trilogy, build a rubber band ball, take care of a Venus fly trap, or learn to French braid my own hair. So, this will be a challenge, but, hey, why not? Life is becoming very wash and repeat for me, so let me try to liven it up a bit.

But, in the mean time, let me do one of my most favoritest things in the world and blog about random pictures I forgot I took on my phone!

Let’s start with the oldest and move to the most current.

Halloween. I was Katniss Everdeen but made brief appearances as:

Charlie Chaplin

Adolf Hitler

I went on a 40-hour date. This picture was taken on the third hour:

 This one of the 20th:

 There are no pictures taken past this point because I was grungy and we all have to obtain our fake, fantasy-based, glossy magzinesque online personas and mine is way cool and smells like cinnamon.

Thanksgiving. I went back home to Miami and, despite popular belief, it’s cesspool of palm trees, red tiled roofs, superficiality, and Britto paintings. Aside from seeing my family, eating home-cooked meals I didn’t cook, watching the last season of the Walking Dead for free, and an epic game of Apples to Apples, this was the highlight: 

I love and miss you, Cuban food. Stay greasy.

 Back in Brooklyn, I went to a Vikings game at a dive bar and brought along Twiggy:

This is why dogs should not be allowed in bars. Drunk humans are evil.

Our TV broke, we live on a three-story walkup, and Christmas came. So, this happened:

Then Christmas died:

 And … I saw the royal baby:

Happy New Year!