Elyse takes you on a photographic adventure

I was looking through my phone and found a bunch of random pictures that I took with the intention of blogging about each, but, never did. So, I figured, I’d upload them all, slap them in a single post, and explore my exterior reasoning for creativity, which should be fun because my head is capable of doing things like forgetting how to spell the word “use,” having dreams about me eating my own cottage cheese thighs, and thinking this was a really clever idea for a post (sorry feminism). Anyway, let’s go on a photographic journey a la my rationale and I’ll make fun of myself for you:

Exhibit A: A blossoming tree

I took this picture because the view from my window is a muddy construction site. During the winter, the view didn’t really bother me much, but ever since the weather has been getting significantly less icky, when I open my window in the morning and see the construction site, all I can think is: “Ah! Springtime in Brooklyn!” Which is horribly cynical but I do admittedly live on the ugliest block in Carroll Gardens. Yet, the other day, while walking home, uncomfortably hauling a shitload of groceries, I saw this tree blossoming in front of my building and all I could think was, aw, shucks, tree, maybe my block aint that rundown after all.

Exhibit B: Homemade mayo

I hate mayo. But I made some from scratch for my very Midwestern roommate’s birthday. I was originally going to write a whole post about making mayo, but really, all you do is dump a cup of canola oil, 2 eggs, a squirt of lemon, and some mustard into a bowl and then blend that nasty concoction with an electric mixer until it’s white and giggly gross. For her next birthday I need to figure out how to make Mountain Dew from scratch, but I’m thinking a 2-liter plastic bottle filled with water from the Gowanus canal will suffice.

Exhibit C: This also happened on my roommate’s birthday

Exhibit D: One pimp ride

I spotted this slick Caddy on DeGraw Street the other day and wanted to lick it. Instead I took a picture.

Exhibit E: Hester’s new looks

Uh oh. Someone chewed the blueberry gum at Willy Wonka’s factory didn’t they?

Uh oh. Someone chewed Big Red gum at Willy Wonka’s Parisian factory didn’t they?

Uh oh. Someone chewed the weird blouse gum at Willy Wonka’s ugly factory didn’t they? 

Exhibit F: Rationing wine

Instead of doing what I usually do and buying four bottles of wine for weekday consumption, I decided that I would try to buy just one bottle of wine and drink a little of it throughout the week. This is how much I had left over after Monday night.

Exhibit G: My foot

It looks like Sloth from The Goonies

Exhibit H: My roommate’s tiny dog sunbathes in the bathroom

Exhibit I: I made my friend draw a Hasidic Jew on a grape.

Exhibit J: My mom texted me a picture of an old letter I wrote her.

From this letter I gather that I’m jealous of my sister, distrust the quality of meat produced in American slaughterhouses, and need to change banks.

Exhibit K: A masterpiece

I call this “The F train: 4 am”

Exhibit L: The reason why I quit the dating site Plenty of Fish